Tag Archives: strapless dresses

Well Played, Rihanna/Not So Much, Brooklyn Decker

2 Apr


BROOKLYN: So wait. Wearing a great dress in a great color, and not looking like you rolled out of a Dumpster… is bad?
RIHANNA: Are you joking? It is HIDEOUS. And BORING. I don’t even recognize myself. I want to leave.
BROOKLYN: No, no, don’t do that — um, I’m sure we can find something you like, right?


RIHANNA: Okay. Have at it. IF YOU CAN BEAR TO LOOK.
BROOKLYN: Well, okay. Uh. Your hair… huh, even your hair kind of works here.
RIHANNA: NOOOOOO!
BROOKLYN: Um, I mean, still looks like a cheap wig from GCB.
RIHANNA: Good, good…


BROOKLYN: Ooooh, and I can sort of see some boob contours, and the darts kind of might look like nipples from some angles, so… well, you’re practically nude, really, right?
RIHANNA: PERFECT.


TAYLOR: Can we pause for a second to discuss how we all feel about what I’m doing? With the floppy short growing-out hair and the beard? I mean, at first there, we all thought the Tim Riggins hair was kind of greasy, but then you all fell in love with me and wanted to run your hands through it, right? And then John Carter happened and now Battleship, which has been in edit for like three years now, and here I am kind of looking like I’m starring in a Bee Gees movie. Do you still love me? This hasn’t ruined what we’ve built, has it? I just…


RIHANNA: Can it, Riggins. Listen, Brooklyn, you’ve been real helpful.
BROOKLYN: Aw, thanks.
RIHANNA: And I just noticed you’re wearing one of those truly hideous Stella McCartney mesh-paisley fests that makes the world want to die inside. I can totally see your pelvic bone AND if I bend over just-so I might get flashed.
BROOKLYN: Well, that’s not very nice, since I just…
RIHANNA: So let’s TRADE. And I’ll look like a quilted fisherman’s net and you can look all sane and classy. Oh, this is the BEST IDEA EVER. I’ll see you in the ladies’ room in five.
BROOKLYN: … I should be offended but actually I’m totally on board. Meet you there.

Let’s shop online

Cutwork Back Pencil Dress

Cutwork Back Pencil Dress

Cutwork Back Pencil Dress

Cutwork Back Pencil Dress

Ke$ha style

30 Mar


I hope our future alien rulers don’t think this is how we want them to dress us.


This is more than I ever wanted to know about Ke$ha’s pelvis, and it’s not even a picture of her actual pelvis. Wait, WHAT IF IT IS.


She looks like such a petulant kid in this photo. Like, “Yeah, mom? You want me to wear this f*cking suit to this f*cking funeral? Well, I’ll show you how to grieve, lady.”


God, I just want to grab the edges of the train, pull them up and around her, staple them to her waist, and see if it makes things better. She might even look GOOD if we did that. Well… good, apart from the drugstore hair extensions that look dyed by PAAS. But you know. Baby steps.

Women clothing online

Sketch Drape Slim Fit Apron Trousers

Sketch Drape Slim Fit Apron Trousers

Sketch Drape Slim Fit Apron Trousers

Sketch Drape Slim Fit Apron Trousers

Fugsica White

28 Mar


SOMEBODY is mad she got booted from Fug Madness so early. That’s fine, Jessica. Keep working overtime and thy seed shalt rise.


Intrepid, indeed (I see you, Shayk Sideboob — you’re not fooling anyone). Jessica Gomes in the middle there is all, “Huh. Nothing to see here.” She is the meat in a crack sandwich. It’s like putting fat-free bologna between fresh-baked donuts laced with hallucinogens.


I feel like her Tarot alter-ego is supposed to be the High Priestess, but really, it’s The Fool. If I remembered ANYTHING about my old Tarot cards from eighth grade, I might be able to make an intelligent joke about which card’s meaning is the most applicable to this gown, but I will leave that to you brilliant people for the comments. I mostly just liked looking at my cards — they were the Renaissance pack — and never actually memorized what any of them signified. Well, except Death. That one was easy. And I suppose Temperance spoke for itself. Okay, so the Major Arcana is sort of straightforward, but with the cups and the swords and the coins, I have zero Minor Arcana science to blind you with here. And… I’m going to walk away now.

Don’t wait, choose some clothing online

Chain Back Ruched Tank Dress

Chain Back Ruched Tank Dress

Chain Back Ruched Tank Dress

Chain Back Ruched Tank Dress

Alexa Chung Vs. Ashanti

26 Mar

Alexa Chung:


I mean, MAYBE Ashanti would wear this, but frankly I don’t see her as a lederhosen girl.


I mean, right? If you handed this to Ashanti she’d laugh and be like, “Hilarious joke, unless there’s a peephole in there somewhere.” It’s Bed, Bath, and Beyawful.


And would Ashanti EVER wear a black satin bag? No. Not unless she had climbed inside it because someone told her there were a bunch of headbands inside.


I will say this for Ashanti: She is insane, but not usually sloppy and depressing.


Actually, this might prove my theory wrong: Ashanti MIGHT wear this, because LOOK AT ALL THAT THIGH.


Ashanti would be like, “She wore a SHIRT under those?!?”


Ashanti would not even wear this when she’s 86 and blind and playing bingo at Shady Palms.


This suit is equally confusing, in TOTALLY the opposite way. It NEEDS more vagina. … No, not really. But GIRL. This doesn’t feel like an It Girl style icon — it feels like someone who was told she’s an It Girl style icon and now is trying too hard to make it true.

Ashanti

And Alexa is not so much a Vagina Stripe kind of girl.


Alexa Chung would see this and be all, “Wow, what a shitty-looking comic book.”


No, Ashanti likes her satin to be tight, and scrunched, and with a big hip cutout — unflattering in exactly the opposite way.


Like, this may be a very fancy modesty cloth from a gyno who charges $10,000 a pap, but at least I don’t want to cry or offer her an aspirin.


This, Ashanti wore on the same day as an outfit up top — for this performance, she added a skirt, I guess? Apparently the AUDIENCE of morning TV was not ready for her leggings, but the people on the sidewalk were welcome to them. Alexa Chung would STILL be like, “Yep, crappy comic book.”


And Alexa would be all, “Did Monty Python design that?”


It just bears repeating that she looks like she’s on the toilet, not at a fashion show.

I can control myself not to buy women clothing after seeing these gorgeous pics, NEVER!

Layered Ruffle Open Back Sheath Dress

Layered Ruffle Open Back Sheath Dress

Layered Ruffle Open Back Sheath Dress

Layered Ruffle Open Back Sheath Dress

Fabs and Feh: Kate “Duchess Catherine” Middleton

23 Mar


Here’s to you, Kate Middeton. No one is going to pinch you when you’re wearing that much green.


Apparently, she’s visiting members of the 1st Battalion Irish Guards for their St Patrick’s Day Parade, where she handed out shamrocks. Per the interwebs: “This was her first solo military engagement and she will now inherit a tradition begun in 1901 by Queen Alexandra and more recently carried out for 32 years by the Queen Mother.” YAY LEARNING. Also, that coat/dress/coat-dress is cute, the Irish guards are VERY smart looking, and she has worn those shoes like 100 times in the last two weeks. They must be her favorites.


Seriously. Is it a coat, or a dress? It’s pretty regardless. I just like to be able to categorize things.


Monday, Kate went to open a children’s hospital, wearing a dress she borrowed from her mother. I like the CONCEPT of borrowing a Reiss dress from her mother — in this economic times, it’s very smartly Mend And Make Do of her — but the dress ain’t so hot. Nice color, but it feels a little dated and it’s a bit big. Obviously, she looks FINE, but this is not one of my favorites on her.


Why are they always making her plant things?

Let’s shop online!

Draped Front Sleeveless Short Jumpsuit

Draped Front Sleeveless Short Jumpsuit

Draped Front Sleeveless Short Jumpsuit

Draped Front Sleeveless Short Jumpsuit

Fug or Fab: Jennifer Lawrence

22 Mar


Pros: The color, the cut, the fit. I think she’s stopped just shy of building an IHOP out of her boobs, although I realize it’s a fine line. But also, she’s SO YOUNG. As long as she’s not going all crazy Boobs Legsly in some drippy Marchesa that looks like it washed up on the beach, I’m okay.

Cons: I am actually not quite sure where the boob pancake line
is,and it DOES sort of crease strangely under there… and also…


Those shoes appear not to fit. Surely it can’t be that hard to fix that. Actually, even weirder, it looks like the right shoe is way bigger on her than the left one. I’m confused. Maybe her feet are a full size different from each other. It happens. Mine are a half size off. Sometimes. Depending on who measures them. But I feel like… if you are Jennifer Lawrence and you call up Saks and say, “I need Loubs in different sizes for the Hunger Games premiere,” they will be like, “NO PROBLEM, FAMOUS GIRL,” and stick the other halves on eBay, pronto.


I don’t mean to keep harping on this, because I don’t even think Hutch is short; just shortER. But this photo seriously makes me feel like he’s wearing whatever the opposite of lifts are. Shrinks? Is he standing in a hole? Jessica said it reminds her of The Twits, when Mrs. Twit tries to make Mr. Twit think he’s shrinking, and that is TRUE. Or maybe, and this is my favorite explanation, he doesn’t give a damn and is slouching because he thinks this whole thing is hilarious. TEAM HUTCH. And TEAM HEMS. I don’t think Miley is so good for him (maybe he will be good for her?), but TEAM HEMS because he and his facial expression are so cute. Actually, I’m on Team All Three Of Them.


This is what Jennifer wore to Letterman earlier, and I think she looks great in it. Like, REALLY great. I do sort of wish they’d made Letterman interview her in a blue wig, a la Stanley Tucci’s character in Hunger Games. THAT would go viral.

Let’s shop online

Chain Trimmed Halter Top

Chain Trimmed Halter Top

Chain Trimmed Halter Top

Chain Trimmed Halter Top

ABC Fugily

21 Mar


Those pants are just unfair. And that shirt is just… un. However, if I could get my hair to do that — or, stay like it for longer than the first five minutes after styling — I would be a happy lady.


These are like the bastard child of Erica’s and Lucy’s trou. (Troux?) I can’t. That perfectly cute blouse deserves more.


Man, it is a pantsapalooza up in here. This is the best of all of them, but to me, on this girl, who had that kind of access to interesting clothes this year, it all kind of says, “I’m tired. Please leave me alone.”


This is totally cute, though. Also, man. Shay Mitchell is so pretty that it hurts sometimes.

Let’s shop online now!

Batwing Sweater with Strap

Batwing Sweater with Strap

Batwing Sweater with Strap

Batwing Sweater with Strap

RIHANNA vs. ANNE HATHAWAY

20 Mar

Two women who have a history of making terrible terrible life choices with regards to their menfolk.


ANNE HATHAWAY. I know you showed your boobs in Love and Other Drugs, a movie I hated so much that I spent the entire time hoping against hope that your character would die at the end, but THIS IS NOT YOUR BRAND. Also awkward:


SUPER NO BUENO. Juxtaposing that look from Rihanna with the following one gives me an idea: Rihanna has an evil twin, and while the real Rihanna comes out occasionally to accept awards looking, as Heather put it the first time we wrote about this, like a refugee from Empty Nest, EVIL Rihanna is the one who pops out in bodysuits and records duets with Chris Brown AGAINST ALL SENSE.

This one seems like a combined effort of good AND:

The lace is good, the illusion netting EVIL.

But perhaps EVIL is better than BORING:

Women clothing online

Removable Faux Fur Collar Top

Removable Faux Fur Collar Top

Removable Faux Fur Collar Top

Removable Faux Fur Collar Top

Fugsie

13 Mar


I would love to know what football team she thinks she’s playing for. The Kaiserdom Bagaloons?


Apparently at another event, she traded the pantapurses for a denim mini and boots, and then some S&M wrist cuffs and a jacket with what look like zip-off eyebrows ripped from the face of a very old English demi-royal.


I don’t think anyone has done this before. But it does puncture my theory that Whimsical Glasses are your ticket to Fug Freedom. HONEY. Your hair may be an even bigger problem than Cammy’s, but at least your wardrobe is keeping Diddy confused enough to stick around and see how this ends. If you’re sure that’s what you want. Maybe you could just… TRY a nice dress every once in a while? Forgive me for pulling out “You’re such a pretty girl,” but come on! You’re SUCH A PRETTY GIRL.


And Aria on Pretty Little Liars did all of this, at various times. And this outfit, I’m pretty sure NO ONE HAS ATTEMPTED EVER, or at least, not recently enough for my brain to have started piecing together my fractured memories. Why is that photograph not in our subscription, so that I can bring it to you in larger terrifying glory? Why is she dressed like a traffic cone that gives lap dances? And why did she take the time to iron creases into her pants, but not put on A SHIRT? WHY WTF ZOMG.

We do love fashion clothing , do you ?

Crochet Fringe Slouchy Sleeveless Cardi

Crochet Fringe Slouchy Sleeveless Cardi

Crochet Fringe Slouchy Sleeveless Cardi

Crochet Fringe Slouchy Sleeveless Cardi

The Best Dressed At The 2012 Grammy Awards Read more: Grammys 2012 Best Dressed – 2012 Grammy Awards Best Celebrity Dresses – Cosmopolitan

6 Mar


Rihanna
Sexy without going over the top: Rihanna’s sultry Armani was so, so fabulous.


Katy Perry
The “Firework” singer proved she’s all about having fun these days, matching her blue hair to her powder blue Elie Saab


Taylor Swift
Taylor usually opts for something girlie; this sexier-than-usual look by Zuhair Murad was simply stunning.


Jessie J
Sparkly, sexy, and spunky—Jessie’s shiny Julien Macdonald perfectly matched her personality


Julianne Hough
Sparkly criss-crossing stripes showed off Julianne’s gorgeous dancer’s bod.

Let’s shop online!

Beads Pattern & Fur Bracelet Pack

Beads Pattern & Fur Bracelet Pack

Perforated Butterfly & Fur Bracelet Pack

Perforated Butterfly & Fur Bracelet Pack

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